its another year again. another smell of that brandnew shirt with a shiny new pair of shoes that goes with it. a brandnew smile when greeting an old friend "happy new year!". several brandnew plans to start the year right. promising to light a candle even during 20perecnt points quizes for the next day perhaps. or filling the piggy bank with more than its usual piglife can have, or quiting whatever it is thats making your life heavy and captain-hook-aligator tickly. well,  everthing feels so new.

    but then again it is actually not just the feeling of "new" this time.
               
                      truth is, in new year

               everything should feel like new.

    there is something about new year that makes things feel like new. but actually, these new things are just old things innovated or given new credit.
    like when given a new shirt. more often than not, it usually goes in fashion line with the old shirts we have receive a year ago. in your clothes are your style. the fact is people who gives them to you finds you in those type of clothing.
    like when re-assesing your life. thinking of what old self should be dumped and what to keep.its become an obligation. what to add and what not, it results to this new mall smell shirt.
    brandnew things are so interesting that it becomes a favorite sometimes. like a shirt used at least twice a week because it seems to make the luck out of the day. and then one breakfast, expresso is spilled in it. one after dinner the shirts dump together with the pile of cabinet smelling cloths.
 
because everything new becomes old.

  like when you see a pair of  tattered jeans dump underneath the piles. it becomes interestingly vintage. it becomes your favorite. like new people passing our way. making us brandnew. when the middle of the year comes, we become this brandnew. it adds to what we were. like an additional shirt in the pile. and it become who we are.

in new year we make many decisions and plans because of this two truths, it the tradition. like 5th grade resolutions.

for a time i have been feeling like the whole song. but i guess im more of

"
Go about my bus'ness, I'm doing fine.
Besides, a-what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story not much to say,
Hearts are broken ev'ry day. " now...... 

but still here goes the whole song... hope you'll feel it in your skin too.   

You Were Meant For Me
I hear the clock, it's 6 A.M.,
I feel so far away from where I've been.
I got my eggs, got my pancakes, too.
Got my maple syrup, ev'rything but you.
I break the yolks and make a smiley face,
I kinda like it in my brand new place.
Wipe the spots above the mirror,
Don't leave the keys in the door.
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore, 'cause

(Chorus)
Dreams last so long,
Even after you're gone.
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me,
And I was meant for you.

I called my momma, she was out for a walk.
Consoled a cup of coffee, but it didn't wanna talk.
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news.
More hearts being broken or people being used.
Put on my coat in the pouring rain.
I saw a movie, it just wasn't the same.
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
And it made me miss you, oh, so bad.

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Go about my bus'ness, I'm doing fine.
Besides, a-what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story not much to say,
Hearts are broken ev'ry day.

I brush my teeth and put the cap back on.
I know you hate it when I leave the light on.
I pick a book up and then I turn the sheets down,
And then I take a deep breath and a good look around.
Put on my pj's and hop into bed.
I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead.
I try and tell myself it'll be all right,
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight.

(Chorus)

Yeah, you were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

What is the real meaning of the holidays? They say its for gift giving, for sharing love and for going out of the way to show care. Superficially it is. But what does it really mean? what is giving, what is sharing? what is care? in how do we really feel it in our skin during this time of year?

It may be like

seating on the bench of the churches trying to listen to the minister but at all effect just thinking how similar the minister's homily was with last years. but still remains seating, listening and not at all smirking. 

CHristmas GUILt perhaps... 

      It may be called Christmas Giving.... giving chance, patience or understanding to a minister who cannot have other homily's to think of. forgive the minister! 

after all, the season is really about reliving and remembering a practice, a ritual, a festival all over again. 

Like reliving the fact that despite of not having to go to Church since last years 25th we still know the reply of "peace be with you". and not having to talk to an obnoxious cousin but still kissing him and  all the relatives present on that  Eucharist.

or like remembering how to sing jingle bells even if it hasn't been sung for 12 months.

its actually about reliving sacrifices and reliving the fact of not counting them as debts.

Like forgetting Cepalco bills to bring life Christmas lights and parols. or paying a thousand for dinner with the finest gourmet and relatives paying their cheeks up.

cause its reliving the smell.

the smell of midnight sales and free coupons. and still not counting how much you've saved up from the dinner and the sale. The feeling of the it-doesnt-matter!

and the what-matters.

like the smell of the airport when a relative arrives, the smile on their faces and the 364days experiences fitted over lunch.

Its meeting a bestfriend who'v lost 50 pounds. a pma -er who has become a nurse. a vocationary who smokes a pack a day. Its remembering who you are, how life was and how it drasticly changed over the year.

because the holidays gives the trickle on how the year has been filled with uncountable occurences that must have lasted longer at the moment yet still feels like everything happened so fast.

Christmas is kindness, care and love. but what breaths this things is when people bring CHristmas nostalgia to life.

Because every year we wait 365 days to make that fast feeling stretched in our minds happen as quick and as loud as firecrackers at 12 midnight. as bountyfull even on next day left overs. and as satisfying as the greeting of MeRRy.