Im already 20!!!

yeah. i tried doing all the things that i used to do when i was a certified teenager. when i was still 14, 16 17 or so. i consider those days so teen because everything felt like the first time.

the crappiness of love, craziness of friends , fanciness of obligations and a whole lot of things that felt like new shoes.

so the night before my birthday, i tried to do all the things that felt like  new to me. but unfortunately i didntn have the chance to do everything. its like i can swim naked in the beach or train basketball or grab my exes all at  the same day,

i only had a chance to play archade again. its was so fun because i was always winning. (joinstick kase, not those keypads motorskills disfunction).

somehow i became addicted to it again and i almost want to play after my work. yes, work. i've been teaching koreans how to speak english for 2 weeks now and it has been fun. the good things is that i got my first pay during my birthday,

what a way to celebrate my 20th birthday. it almost reminded me to be reponsible with everything that i do. to think of getting a 1.0 in class. well thats shitty pressure but its the real world. im even lucky i got in here. that made me felt lucky for studying in standards school for the past 20 years,

i was never the best student. i was only good at athletic, writing and dancing stuff.all of those that considers a student but not excellent in academ. but my dad and sister always insisted that i study in a "good" school.

it has only been recently that i realized the advantage of studying in a standard school. i had a great foundation in English that helped me pass some test even if i had short attention span. Plus, the boss hires UP students as much as possible, now that even greater. HOw Lucky Can I BE? 

THis is just the start of another age to live up to. I just beginning to spread my wings and sit on the moon. there has been so many identity realizations within me. something that i think has been bothering and repressing me for a long time. and im willing to find out if its real or just a silly filling that i have because of too much contemplations.

im twenty, im going to list everything i do until thirty and im hoping i can do them back before my age passes the calendar. 

    Self-declared "practically perfect Marry Poppins" is a food for every family thats forgotten to love itself. with a little red touch on the cheeks and a pair of wink and snap; a home would love to laugh loud and loud and clear.

    like when my mom came home, I was welcomed by a wicked smile from the window. It made me that made me wonder "what is she up to now". 

    I arrived in the house wondering if she snapped a finger or two to change the gray walls into white, the charcoal coated tables into bage and the Air smell like flowers. It was like magic. I couldn't even see a trace of bodega in my room.

    I woke up the next day feeling Supercalifregilistic and balistic with the noise of her familiar stories.

life in the clouds perhaps...

    it was life in the clouds of manila stardom where she experienced being stabbed; helped by basura dwellers and gave these dwellers a roof. She said she asked the Mayor to give her heroes a roof.

    It was like traveling to the fairyland. even she was persuaded  that her experience was actually true.

    She said she went home because she missed her family; she missed basty. I guess, with basty's speaking deficiencies, he could need her talking to be able to learn to speak.

    Every child needs a poppins in their lives. Mom has only been a week in CDO with Basty before we arrived but basty already knows how to say " Hay... Kapuy"...

    I agree with basty, its really tiring to keep on listening to Mom's talking. even Basty's pet turtle hid itself in the backyard never to be seen since.

    Only dad can handle the imagery overload because he is so inlove with mom. and that wasnt the work of the Poppin snap. he was the Poppin in her life and her in him.

    I remember my Mary Poppins. One was a nana that could serve the best chapsuey from her purse.
    she was no beauty like poppins. she was skinny and a virgin. She gave me a chance to sing and dance in her fairyland with every creature as her cousins.
   
    she never got married. atleast not until she stopped worrying if my uniform was well pressed. but she was my Childhood Poppin.


I grew up having more Poppins popping out from my family.

One can make me a mermaid and Alice and the wonderland at the same time.

the other can make Full Fathom in Jackson Pollocks paintings.

the other can bring me to the most eerie scenes in the human mind.

and the other makes me face my reality and reminds me to love myself every now and then.

Every home has a Poppins. Poppins is like a fairy but only a bit stiff. She loves herself and she makes people love themselves through her dense and confrontational ways. 

Giving  spoon full of sugar to everyone's life..

going back to cdo this summer was different with the rest of my home visit for the past 2 years. this time, i was welcomed by familiar faces (some too familair i could barely stand the sight). but the good thing is that there are so many good things happening especially to someone. which makes it a good thing for me considering that every single thing that goes on the house is based on how good this person's disposition is.

maybe  familiar faces are useful for some people even if they really dont find such person pleasing. some people need a sight of wicked excentricity to be able to find meaning in life.

being with these familiar faces brings me to a million short story ideas for children.

here's my ambituous attempt:

Suzet's White lies:

   Suzet had been peeking on the window for an hour. she was hiding from the man that was trying to peek in their house.

   the man was tall and wore a dirty cap on. he arrived minuets after Suzets mother had left to the market. When  Suzet had heard a roar of a motorcycle, she had immediately hid beside the refrigirator and wished the man would leave. She could feel the beating in her throat. 

   Suzet wished she could hear the sound of the motorcycle roaring away from her house. But after a long time of waiting and wondering if the man had left, Suzet findly decided to gather her courage and make the man leave.

  when the man saw her through the window, he asked Suzet where her mother was and if their house belongs to the Lee's.

   "This is not Lee's residence and i don't want to talk to you. I dont talk to strangers", Suzet immitated the words that her mother had told her to say.

   While Suzet was speaking the man was busy writting something in his minuet. with a friendly smile, he gave the note to Suzet.

   Suzet didnt attempt to accept the note but instead told the man to go away. Earing this, the man decided to clip the piece of paper in the edge of the window and left.

     When Gloria arrived, Suzet was excited to tell her mother about what happened. She told her mother that a man had been looking for her and that he told the man that  this wasn't Lee's residence.

   Gloria was infuriated. "Why did you do that?", sHe said, "that man might have wanted to pay his debt to us. Do you know that we need money to buy your milk, your food?"

   "Why did you say that to him?", Gloria shouted and stared straight at SUzet's eyes.

   Suzet became confused. She remembered well how her mother had told her not to speak to strangers and that never to tell about their family name. Her mother told her that strangers might do bad and dangerous things to her. they might take her away and she might never see her mother again.

   She remebered well how her mother had told her that telling the man that their house wasnt the lee's would make the man leave. HEr mother had told her that doing so was not making a sin but doing a good lie.

   When Gloria asked her to answer, Suzet didnt know what to say. She could hear the beating of her heart through her throat. She wish she could find the courage that she had when she spoke to that man. 

   But before she could figure how to say Sorry, her mothered had already grabbed her by the hair.