Cleaning a new room
Throwing the boleroes and halter blouses
taken from the hanger
Pulling the back-backs and sling bags
from the a the traveling bag
Putting the unwashed underwear
from the plastic bags

is like breaking a soul
thrown on unfamiliar spaces
on unfamiliar faces
that stinks of "shes from this region,
he's gay, she's a bastard, he has a bad accent"

then the soul
which now happens to have a
face held higher but not high enough
to be obviouse
tells a sublte boast about its hometown
and earns the "i want to go there soon".

this is like
sweeping the floor
wiping the empty spaces from dust
then assigning the clothes to a drawer
bags to a nail-made hanger
then soak the unwashed underwear

then
a sigh of relief to see the put-togethers
yet an unsaid known
to clean
and clean
and clean.

The way we see the difference
there is a difference
between what my eyes
stare at and they sort out
with what you sort out in me.

there is difference
when i spill ice cream
because i do not know
how to lick it, and the way others
seem to give me more of it.

there is a difference
with chocolates and how bitter they are, and
how others seem to pair them
with roses and how i sneeze every time i smell them
and how i' d rather be listen to.

there is a difference
in how i talk and how i listen
and how i love to be the listener
of talks over coffee.

there is a difference
when i say i forgot where you live
but then i am good in directions and
how i forget names
but there just few i' d rather
remember.

these things i save in a memory card
because i' v grown tired, and
i' v been lost in my “to-do” lists, but
then i cant seem to let go with the way i laugh and
everything else that reminds me of you.

there is a difference with benefits
and when it grows to be part.

of carnivores and herbivores,
coffee and tea, taxi and jeeps,
pleasure and 'play sure”,
with arts and notes and dance and counts,
with charcoal drawings and with tips of a ball pen and
with lens of a camera and shots that wink
and
the way we see the difference.





Period
It's the end of a sentence of a feeling of being lost and the closing but not the closure just the period like when one couldn't put a thought to paper he spills ink on it becomes a period a smudge a line a nonsense a line like a stain on a shirt like the stain on maria when john under her skirt like righteous hypocrites cold righteousness like soap under her skirt and when beside the bed he pulled her foot with a blanket and with a cold period she pulled out cold heart cold dogmatic heart like those who end up with ball-wombs like a period a deathlike kiss of last night a period becomes a line when its time for goodbyes then a choice to never again never again like a line but still a period a short gap between maria and child that even time cannot period until it becomes a memory then a period. period

counting you to four then backwards
i
took the
shades of my
eyes to watch you
clearly and realize
i was
smiling.

across
the kropek
and the bottle's
lips i had just
kissed is
you face's
yellow.

i hope i am sure that our eyes are thieves and you are not only looking at nothing.

my
mouth dries
up every time
i try to count
your infinite blinks
and so
i

take
my last
kiss of the
bottle but the sensation
i have for
it is
unfamiliar.

i've been very happy after my exam wirth mam guilen. i felt like a huge baggage has been cut of from me.and to think that it turned out great. anyway, i've been busy with school and practices.
i want to start with things that i am pissed at:
one...my pingpong team mates.there so not determined and responsible.i really hate that they take the practices lightly.so light that they hardly even come.i feel that my coach has lost his enthusiasm to supervise.i hate it.and then theres things grasshoper guy who seems to feel that he knows so much about the sport.damn, he cant even bit a ball that flies two 10 inches above the table.like that makes him so damn good.........
anyway, i realized that my being so pala away has made me into a victim. my twin(a subtel bitch) heehehe as she would fondly call herself after that has made me into a ulaw kaau situation. i mean in dimsum, we tried to share a glass of bottom less ice tea. we didnt know, atleast i didnt know, na hindi pala pwede yon even with just a sip. like thats so ka locka and go damn lame.so this crew came to tell me that we should pay for two and then i got really pissed for him doing that and disrupting my pleasant meal.damn it. i made a rather bitchy move that made the manager or me rather look so crazy. thats to embarassing and i will never forgive my twin for not telling me in the first place the ethicits she knew about fine dining. damn it.am i so yano not to realize that. and to think na she did sip twice or less that a bottle. i hate it.
anyway....were good na..

so let me shift to what i am happy about.or not really happy....something that didnt piss my day.my classes are fine actually. its crazy because i feel less pressured after i ate a bunch or munchkin last week.now that was what we call psycological.anyway, people in school are a bit experimental now.those who knew who they are have graduated last year.now...there these people who found smoking and then acted as if they did it since they stopped drinking milk. but i just tried to handle them i also like some light people.some of them i can talk to in diff. subjects and then well we laugh.its so light that i am almost persuaded to not think at all...anyway, my practices in dance ensemble are also fun. i mean its tiring but then unwhining. iv always had this weird way of expressing and giving everything when i dance.i feel relieved.something that i cant say i just dance it of. anyway...i can almost bend every part of my body..kidding.
well..ive been going out during weekends. its fun.i didint go for those homy thang anymore or thos pop cult.thang with my model gurlzzz.its tiring to be someone im not and i did that for almost one sem last year.god help.lol. anyway.last last weekend...because i dont want to talk about people in particulat.let me explain the last last weekend and then furthurs.lastlast:car ride, oil above water conversation, fat facial asset(??), first 1 o'clock home and then the rest i'd rather call short term memory.im glad that i had other friends.in the recent weekends rather fun to talk with.no mask, simple...and then i went home at almost sunrise....
anyway, im here in this cafe,,still half sober and embarassed and mad about the dimsum thang.god i wanna kill myslef.and just erase that god damn memory....now i know what my amnesia is for.....................