it might be redundant to say that i am a bit ecstatic, its may be quite obvious based on this entry's title. but anyway, the thing is, after feeling so down during the past days, i have finally felt good. there is not a particular event to congratulate my mood for, its actually a little of everything.

      ok. ok. i cant make lies now, its actually that i am so overwhelmed with having contact with tatay again. i mean, after several years of just simple emails, we finally had a conversation. well, it was pseudo-conversation because we only got to chat in yahoo messenger. thats what i am so ecstatic for. i'm overwhelmed with the magic of the net. (well, who isnt? and that news is so jurass)

it was so nostalgic for me to talk to a really good friend/ really-really good friend...*wink. because i get to be reminded of who i was 6 years ago. and it makes me feel better.

anyway, among others is that i have actually been busy with school and alot with dancing. i've been reading a lot too...

last week, we got to perform for the ATF. the whole program was probably shaky since we only had five dances. but then, well, the arabesque probably gave it a little credit. i was more concerned with my hopping here and there in the benches for sayaw sa bangko. but i was glad i didnt fall down. geesh. 

even if i had "conquered" my fear for log-heights, i still feel stoned during first steps on the 2nd level. thats why i kept on runining and jumping here and there before the show or showing mam brigole(since her intensity is equivalent to that of a CAP). really-really hair rising woman in a delicate manner. which is a good thing because you have to make good or else get that piercing and queen narnia look in her eyes.  

anyway, i like my sisters disposition these days. well, the only person that had a really bad disposition was probably yours truly.  that was last week, when i kept drowning myself to bed. i kept staring at either the ceiling or just a blank stare ahead. i sorta missed alot of people. like a person that could have been there to make my hours busy. and i wouldnt have thought about how depressed i am or how crazy the world is. well, the person happens to be finding himself in manila.  and now i have decided to just get right with myself.  

in the verge of making myself right,i became paranoid of psychosis then i decided to cry. and finally, after like 2 or three months of feeling so down with the anxiety of not being able to define my problems, i burst out and define them to tears.

its scary when your sad and you dont know the exact thing that makes you sad because that makes you psychotic or whatever it is. i almost tried to press the knife in my wrist but hell, i decided to save that for mintal maniacs instead.

well, now, im off that stage. for the moment.

i also feel like i should stop my mess. for a while, i have been thinking that maybe a couple of princepe could save me day. but i realized, they only gave me more ew and more god how dumb. anyway, i decided to keep my load zero so that they can get the idea. that is for now.

i've been having  dumaguete nostalgia these days. and claire has them  too. we were planning to make a documentary about the whole experience.

for now, i should keep my acads right. and write more.

a couple of days ago, i had all the ranting and raving and whining and any hell i know off  about assholes and asshole in denial (my ex?) or bitches and denials and denials or just dense people. that was a couple of days ago. but i spilled them over at my housemates and any person i know who wouldnt use it to get back at me later. of if they'd use it i woulnt care. i'm practically shielded with brass armors after my experience last year.

anyway, because i already spilled them i can't seem to have the energy of bring them back again. i have decided not to whine so much this year, maybe it will help me feel better. you know, just forget the baggage in life and go on with it. forget that some people seem to annoy and..... now.now. dont start pearl...

im here to actually just list the things that has happened since i arrived in davao and since the year started.
 june 3: meet up with karl, maita and jaybee.  i went to js bastis and ended up riding a taxi to victoria. was so stupid to forget that those guys smoke and js basris (or bastis js has no smoking area). its sucked a bit but i decided to remain calm. i was a bit groggy then.
    transferred at kababs after (where smoothies and none and soda's served after customers have choked!)
        we had drinks after and jose then nonat arrived. good thing i didnt feel abit awkward. well, maybe a little drums in the chest but not at all awkward. francis was stupid enough to fetch me there. and i had the most boring jeepney ride with him. he  went to our house and i was like "its getting late. basig wala nai sakyanan." i was practically shooing him off. i said stuff after that a non-dense person would probably agree as dump. he was dense enough to call me days after.
     after he left, them nonat and karl asked if i could consider helping them with their dunk selves to jutes place.  grr! good thing they'd decided at glady's or there will be fire in the fence fire in the fence! well, im still willing to help those guys out if they did asked without short notice. they'd help me out before in times when i never thought i'd be saved. *wink*

june something (a couple of days after): met up with karl at karl coffee corner. was great talking to him. again  hmm. is a safe reaction for that. he's living for manila. i think... hope not.. well, evertything is still great!
   
the rest of my days are actually just
            school.tambay with lemuel or jutes or manang or twini or....
             and then dance ensemble where my ass-will-said-to-be-fit. its fun in dance ensemble. presented the dance to mam and was actually so embarassed. geesh.
            weekend: i went to yoga with claire, rose and sir jun.                            anyway, yoga is so relaxing. i want it. even if i, manung nino, jamae and jam had a drink after. well, screw yoga for that. who said yoga and alcohol dont go together? did bubbles say that? sure? sure?
             anyway, after class or bout dinner, richies and rose bf-od would come to espinos. sometimes it annoys me to have od around so much. he would sing songs and all or feel so at home. i dont know, maybe i havent adjusted to the "wider sphere of privacy" with him around rose so much. but hell, its time i get use to it. i still like kyo-kyo for her. (i'm not keeping secret the guilt)..but i'm planning to just sway away.                 richi is nice  though, brought food from panabo and stuff. his around. they'r just goody guys who eats right for dinner. i'm really abit feeling awkward with the choice of music(not much with hard core) and not angsty guy. maybe its because i've known too much angsty guys in davao. preem-fancy-and-fashionably sensitive guys in davao. and here comes this person ala-tyron-alvarico-views again. makes me feel different (in both good and weird)

anyway, thats just about it, i'm still off with the usual anxiety in school and with rackets.i cant seem to find. sheila. and anyway. im off to praktis........................