It might have been the cold air inside the Bachelor and the anticipation that comes with those long trips back home that made Emm recall a similar ride of last year. For she had felt the same mixture of excitement and fear that first time she sat on an overloaded truck together with the other KASAMA on their way down from the mountains of Buda.
Emm had just joined the KASAMA activist movement at the early days of that year and so the few track trainings and brainstorming at the mountains were not enough for her to entirely grasp the actions that the group was going to do.
She was even caught by surprise at the moment she had to seat on top of the truck. She made her every grip as the vehicle would jump over a hump a reminder that the further events was going to be an actual presentation of their trainings which her superiors considered as war. The war was going to be an annual mobilization that the KASAMA had been designing until the State of the Nation Address schedule gave them cue.
The KASAMA took that day, when the rest of the country and the soldiers at City Hall were expected to stop and listen, as the perfect time to burn the flame that they had long kept arrested under mountain caves. And as Emm remained seated, she traversed her anxieties by listening to her fellow new recruits rehearse their little known advocacies in predictable melodies.
In front of the
When the group almost completed their well-rehearsed exclamations, a more solid cry of a gunshot interrupted them.
Unwavering, the other KASAMA continued to shout as Emm's whimpers were permitted to blend in hiding what would have been the sound of the group's weakness.
As soon as Emm realized that the songs and fear of gunshots couldn't stop, she tried to persuade herself that the many times she had been hit by a stock of a gun were more terrifying than this. So even if she could hear her heart under her throat, she forced herself to swallow the fear and hoped to regain her confidence.
Such confidence delayed her shriek when a Lieutenant fired a bullet that certified the person beside her to fall head first. The Lieutenant need not shout HAGPA because moments later all of the KASAMA including Emm were already laying elbows on the ground as they were randomly asked the whereabouts of their superiors.
Not one of those new recruits knew where their superiors where. Such delicate information was only granted to those who have been in the movement for more than a decade. Knowing this, Emm whimpered yet again. This time, she couldn't stop her tears.
When the Lieutenant had finally pointed a gun at Emm's forehead asking her the same question, she suddenly left off a modest weep as she murmured under gluey spittle, " If only I wasn't a new, I would have told you where."
I would have told you where. I would have told you where. I would have told you where.
Those last memories convinced her to travel away from the resigned advocacy that kept her behind bars for three long years. After her release, she had hidden herself from the stern eyes that the KASAMA might have given her had they known what she had said to the Lieutenant.
Now, as she finally takes a ride home to Bukidnon, she wipes the mist on the bus window in order clearly see the mountains. Somewhere in that large green above, behind the gathering of trees and rice plants, were her KASAMA rehearsing the same old song.
She wonders if the other new recruits had already known the whereabouts of their superiors and that if they did, would they ever tell a Lieutenant where.
But she wouldn't be worrying about that where she was going. She decided to relax but remained looking beyond.
As the mist once again blinded the Bus window, Emm resided on a quiet anticipation not warning her of the tragedy that occurred as the Bachelor, she was in, drove straight to a mountain wall hidden in a blind curve where she once saw from above
for mai-mai